The Pursuit of Flappy-ness

If you’ve got any interest in video games, or know someone who does, or own a phone, you’ve heard the saga of Flappy Bird. The developer, Dong Nguyen, has taken the gaming sensation down, saying that it was “an addictive product,” and he wasn’t as happy since the success of Flappy Bird. The internet is abuzz with people lamenting the sad case of the lone wolf developer, and how only such extreme pressure generated by hordes of internet asshats could force someone to walk away from the estimated $50,000.00 Flappy Bird generated each day. And that would be true.

Except it’s not.

See, Flappy Bird is STILL generating a boatload of ad money every day. The game didn’t get magically deleted from everyone’s iPhone or Android device—it’s still there, still being played, and still happily generating a boatload (I hope) of revenue for Dong Nguyen. And, let’s not forget his other games, Super Ball Juggling and Shuriken Block, both of which are sitting in the top 20 as of this writing.

Approaching My Personal High Score...stupid bird...always flapping....

Approaching My Personal High Score…stupid bird…always flapping….

So, is Dong Nguyen an overwhelmed developer, or might he be a crazy marketing ninja who has just garnered more free publicity by shutting the game down than might have been possible keeping it available? I’d love to think it’s the latter, but I imagine it’s the former. And, if it is, I hope that Dong Nguyen gets to fade into whatever level of anonymity he likes, kick up his feet, and watch the money keep rolling in.

Now that the game is gone, what could possibly fill the void? Clones. Clones of clones. Clash of Clones (which is probably already a game…and a clone). Check out the top free games right now—there are about 5 straight up Flappy Clones in the top 10. But, what are the Big Boys doing to cash in on this craze? Surely the heavyweights aren’t willing to sit this out? Of course not:

  • Deep in the bowels of Zynga HQ, there’s some poor team “pivoting” their farming game into Birds With Friends ™. It’s the exact same game as Flappy Bird, but every time you want to go between two pipes, you need five of your friends to unlock it.
  • Peter Molyneux has promised a revolutionary interpretation of Flappy Bird, in which the player’s bird will begin as an egg, then develop based on his actions, whether flapping, walking, tweeting, crafting, singing, telling jokes, burping, flirting, or crashing into pipes. All the while, the dynamic world will grow and change based on every player decision, down to the most minute detail. When released, most industry insiders expect the game to include…flapping.
  • Everyone was sure Valve was working on a Flappy Bird clone, but it turned out to be Half Life 3. Just fucking with you! They don’t make games anymore.
  • Nintendo actually released Super Flappio Bros. last week. It’s a Wii U exclusive, though, so no one has ever played it.
  • Even the most respected and erudite members of the industry aren’t immune to the call of the Bird. From legendary game designer Brenda Romero (Train) comes PIPE–a museum-quality piece created with over 40,000 hand-painted green pipes, each containing a single tear from Dong Nguyen. You’ll only play the game once, but at the end you’ll feel really, really guilty. And it will haunt you forever.
Et tu, Sesame?

Et tu, Sesame?

In the end, what have we learned from the meteoric rise of Flappy Bird? Nothing we didn’t already know. What we’ve done is to demonstrate perfectly this Universal Truth of Game Design: All things being equal, the success of your mobile game is directly proportional to the ease of playing it while pooping. Which might just be a good topic for a future blog….

Olympic Fever Update!

Olympic Update: As predicted, the Olympics has been a laugh riot, with missing rings, wardrobe malfunctions, and amazing (Summer) Olympic weather. Nothing, though, symbolizes the state of these Games more than the rapid deterioration of Bob Costas, who contracted some Dark Ages eye plague by merely watching the first curling practice.

CostasWeirLG1

Costas Evolving Into Famous Spinach-Eating Sailor

Haha! You’ve been duped by my clever photo manipulation! That last photo isn’t Bob Costas at all! It’s skating and fashion phenom Johnny Weir, who has given this Olympics a much-needed dose of “Hey, Vlad! This gay enough for you???” (Speaking of which…I’ll bet the folks competing in the biathlon were getting a little nervous with everyone referring to them as “bi-athletes.” Just sayin’.)

Anyway, well done, Johnny. You’re my new favorite Olympic hero.

Mini-Reviews

Threes!, by Sirvo LLC

Threes

Threes!, by Sirvo LLC

Oddly addicting puzzler where the goal is to smoosh together matching multiples of 3. I know…doesn’t sound like much. Tons of tactile and audio polish really make it work, though, and it’s easy to lose an hour fast.

Warhammer Quest, by Rodeo Games

Warhammer Quest, by Rodeo Games

Warhammer Quest, by Rodeo Games

Yeah…it’s almost a year old. This week, though, it was on sale for $0.99, which made it suddenly attractive to me. Turns out, I would have paid the extra four bucks. Great strategy RPG, marred only by the same problem shared by 99% of RPGs: the first hour is the worst. Stick it out and get to a really solid title.

Not a Review, But a Shameless Plug

HonorBound, by JuiceBox Games

HonorBound, by JuiceBox Games

Give HonorBound a try on your favorite mobile device. It’s the first offering from JuiceBox Games, and I’m not just shamelessly plugging this free RPG/Card Battler because a friend works there. Turns out, it’s also a well-made game, and the art and writing are top-notch. I’m a few hours in, and having a pretty good time trying to collect as many oddball warriors as I can. Check it out!

That’s it from me. Oh, please, for the love of God, somebody leave a comment. Even just to prove the comments section works. I’m getting paranoid. Until next week, I’ll be signing off from my new favorite place: Moscow’s historic Hobofuck Training Center.

At least, I assume that’s the translation.

You know where I wanna train for the Olympics? The Hobofuck Training Center.

You know where I wanna train for the Olympics? The Hobofuck Training Center.

3 comments

  1. You need to apply your observations to your own projects. I suggest tweeting:

    “I am sorry ‘blog’ readers, 22 hours from now, I will take blog’ down. I cannot take this anymore.”

    You will probably become the most read blogger, pretty much instantly.

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